to use up various things in the kitchen.
Of course, when I got home, I found that I had no eggs to use up. So I ran down to Safeway while I defrosted spinach and bacon. Came back, cooked bacon, sauteed garlic and onions, beat six eggs with salt and pepper, and threw the whole lot in together.
It became a scramble, because, never having made anything like this in this pan, I didn't realize said pan would probably make a 12-egg frittata, but not a 6-egg one. Way too big!
However, as a scramble it was fine. More salt and pepper next time, and possibly cheese... I figured it was bad enough for me as it was.
It did use up an onion, a head of garlic, a package of frozen spinach and some frozen leftover bacon. Quite filling and enough for two more meals.
Off to knit. I'm alternating the green Koigu sock with a scarf in grey alpaca-silk. I need to settle down and get something done!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
As You Can See
I am a poor, starving, neglecgted kitty. My life, it is very trying. I resort to eating paper towels and plastic (mmm -- I just love plastic anyway!), but Mom does not relent. She's very mean.
Do You Reckon
My cat, who complains constantly about the vet-ordered diet, was being sarcastic when she jumped up here and began to lick the wadded-up paper towel next to me, upon which I'd had a couple of pieces of toast?
Oh, don't mind me, just licking up a few crumbs and a faint trace of butter....
Oh, don't mind me, just licking up a few crumbs and a faint trace of butter....
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Just too Loose
I ripped the sock. Feh! I need to knit sock yarn on 00s, clearly. This is unfortunate, since I only have slippery steel 00s and my online search has not netted me anything but steel, on the rare sites I found 00s at all. The 00s I have fell right out of the sock yarn. I'll go over to my LYS on the weekend and see if they have any non-metal needles smaller than a 0.
I grabbed some already-wound-into-a-cake deep green Koigu and will try this on the plastic-over-metal 0s I have.
I can't believe some people knit socks on 1s! I wish I could tighten up my natural gauge.
I grabbed some already-wound-into-a-cake deep green Koigu and will try this on the plastic-over-metal 0s I have.
I can't believe some people knit socks on 1s! I wish I could tighten up my natural gauge.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Sockage
Well, I'm onto the foot of my getting-reacquainted-with-sock-knitting sock, and I'm finding as usual that it's too baggy. The heel fits well, though. But this seems to mean I have to knit the whole freaking sock on 00s, and that even a Koigu sock will have to be knit on 0s.
The small parts of my body would be my ankles and heels, wouldn't they? I wish my jawline or hips or chest would have gotten the same message!
The small parts of my body would be my ankles and heels, wouldn't they? I wish my jawline or hips or chest would have gotten the same message!
I wish
I don't know if it's because I was never close to my father, or because I have no parents at all now, or I'm just a wimp, but there are some men I wish I knew (as a list of examples) -- some real, some fictional. I always feel like they'd be able to give me good advice and/or engineer practical solutions. (Yes, I know "one of these things is not like the other"!)
Anyone know anybody like that?
Anyone know anybody like that?
Monday, September 22, 2008
Sad Puppy
I was sitting outside on my morning break and heard a dog barking. And barking. And barking. And crying. Finally I closed my book and walked toward the noise.
Someone in the parking lot next door had tied up a golden lab puppy to their truck. (I later emailed someone in that building to see if they could get the guy to check on the dog.) At first I was hesitant, but this pup was well-fed, well-groomed, adorable, and thrilled beyond belief that someone had to come to see him. He jumped, he panted, he sat on my foot and leaned against me, his tail wagging frantically. I would have stayed there all morning if I could have.
Poor baby. He began to bark and whine again as I left. At least he was in the shade, and he certainly didn't look maltreated at all. He was just a friendly pup who wanted his dad, or some kind of company anyway. I hope he's not there tomorrow!
Someone in the parking lot next door had tied up a golden lab puppy to their truck. (I later emailed someone in that building to see if they could get the guy to check on the dog.) At first I was hesitant, but this pup was well-fed, well-groomed, adorable, and thrilled beyond belief that someone had to come to see him. He jumped, he panted, he sat on my foot and leaned against me, his tail wagging frantically. I would have stayed there all morning if I could have.
Poor baby. He began to bark and whine again as I left. At least he was in the shade, and he certainly didn't look maltreated at all. He was just a friendly pup who wanted his dad, or some kind of company anyway. I hope he's not there tomorrow!
St. Genevieve
One of my patron saints -- just found possibly the longest article I've ever seen on her!
They have the accent in the wrong place, though. And yes, I do put the accent on it and pronounce it the French way. It was my grandmother's name and she pronounced it the English way, but I'm just... ornery that way. ;-)
They have the accent in the wrong place, though. And yes, I do put the accent on it and pronounce it the French way. It was my grandmother's name and she pronounced it the English way, but I'm just... ornery that way. ;-)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Grrr.
Stupid, stupid gusset.
There's a hole, and I did something too long to explain that had me on 4 DPNs where there should have been 3. Don't even ask.
However, I fudged and wrangled and grumbled, and I think it will be OK. I will just darn the hole.
I think the next pair will be in Koigu, which is at least a bit thicker and I can probably get away with 1s.
*~*~*~*~*
I didn't go out today, and I should have. I cleaned up the dishes from last night, and made dinner, and changed the sheets, straightened up, sock-wrangled, had a bath, watched some CSI, and read a bit. But I should always make a point of getting out of the house. I used to go to a Starbucks with a big patio after Mass on Sundays, and I think I may start that again next week.
I just feel out of sorts.
*~*~*~*~*
And sort of melancholy, in a way hard to describe. It's hard to miss what you haven't had, but I do. And that's about all I can say about that.
I've never liked Sunday nights. Sundays have always felt like a squished in-between sort of day, jammed between the freedom of Saturday and the drudgery of Monday, and Sunday nights have historically been full of dread for me -- first, as a kid, I always felt I'd forgotten something for school the next day. As an adult, just the yoke of work settling back round my shoulders.
I was saying to one of my math-and-science-guy friends today that I envied him his variations and freedom in work, that I'm a sprinter but my job is a marathon, and I told him what I said the other day -- next life, I'm coming back as a math and science guy.
Must. Cheer. Up.
There's a hole, and I did something too long to explain that had me on 4 DPNs where there should have been 3. Don't even ask.
However, I fudged and wrangled and grumbled, and I think it will be OK. I will just darn the hole.
I think the next pair will be in Koigu, which is at least a bit thicker and I can probably get away with 1s.
*~*~*~*~*
I didn't go out today, and I should have. I cleaned up the dishes from last night, and made dinner, and changed the sheets, straightened up, sock-wrangled, had a bath, watched some CSI, and read a bit. But I should always make a point of getting out of the house. I used to go to a Starbucks with a big patio after Mass on Sundays, and I think I may start that again next week.
I just feel out of sorts.
*~*~*~*~*
And sort of melancholy, in a way hard to describe. It's hard to miss what you haven't had, but I do. And that's about all I can say about that.
I've never liked Sunday nights. Sundays have always felt like a squished in-between sort of day, jammed between the freedom of Saturday and the drudgery of Monday, and Sunday nights have historically been full of dread for me -- first, as a kid, I always felt I'd forgotten something for school the next day. As an adult, just the yoke of work settling back round my shoulders.
I was saying to one of my math-and-science-guy friends today that I envied him his variations and freedom in work, that I'm a sprinter but my job is a marathon, and I told him what I said the other day -- next life, I'm coming back as a math and science guy.
Must. Cheer. Up.
Yarn Lust
I've been looking at knitting patterns and yarns online just now, and I feel my desire to get back to the knitting and actually conquer some things returning.
My two main knitting problems are a) I don't know any knitters in real life so I have no one to show me anything or to ask anything of and b) somehow, I space out and make mistakes all the time, even if I think I'm paying attention. I've actually found that unless it's garter stitch, or stockinette in the round, I can't do anything but knit when I knit. Or I will find myself one stitch over or under at the end of a row, or I will look back and see that I missed a cable turn two times back.
Also, I can't rip, only tink, and if the tinking involves knit-together stitches or cables or anything, I am likely to screw that up too. I think this is definitely where a hands-on knitting mentor would come in handy.
But my plan of knitting up all my patterned sock yarns in my plain sock pattern seems a good start. That should keep me busy for quite awhile. Maybe I'll make a concerted effort to find someone to knit with, though.
My two main knitting problems are a) I don't know any knitters in real life so I have no one to show me anything or to ask anything of and b) somehow, I space out and make mistakes all the time, even if I think I'm paying attention. I've actually found that unless it's garter stitch, or stockinette in the round, I can't do anything but knit when I knit. Or I will find myself one stitch over or under at the end of a row, or I will look back and see that I missed a cable turn two times back.
Also, I can't rip, only tink, and if the tinking involves knit-together stitches or cables or anything, I am likely to screw that up too. I think this is definitely where a hands-on knitting mentor would come in handy.
But my plan of knitting up all my patterned sock yarns in my plain sock pattern seems a good start. That should keep me busy for quite awhile. Maybe I'll make a concerted effort to find someone to knit with, though.
Recovering
The dinner party went all right. It wasn't up the standards of one of the guests, at whose fantabulous dinners I have been a guest several times. But my apartment is smaller and older, my kitchen is smaller and gives right onto the (smaller) table, and I'm waaaaay out of practice. At one point, deep in conversation, someone got up and got his own wine, which made me feel bad. But it all was edible (except I didn't take the brownies out of the fridge early enough -- if they're at room temp, the frosting is like a soft glaze, so I keep them in the fridge but should have removed them for a little bit so the brownie itself softened).
We discussed our new cathedral. I've not yet been inside but I passionately hate the outside, and everything I've seen of the interior so far makes me shudder. I think it's partially my belief that a church should look like a church, not an art gallery or office building or gym, and partially my reaction to growing up Protestant. One of the things I envied my Catholic friends, and one of the things I want as a Catholic, is churches that are glorious -- carvings and stained glass and statues, flying buttresses and arches and domes. (Even my parish church basically has all these things.) Anything that is remotely of the sleek-blonde-wood/Swedish-modern/understated-and-bare Protestant architectural ethos makes me want to run shrieking.
I've also had more than one person ask me, "That's not a Catholic church, is it?" I don't think the plain cross, not a crucifix, outside, or calling it "Christ the Light" helped with that either. Sigh.
However, I've been counselled to go and look at the interior at least once, so I can make up my mind in person and not just from pictures and the bizarre, Rollo-shaped exterior.
Me, opinionated? Nah.
I do realize that people who are perfectly happy with modern architecture, or show up to Mass in sweats, or whatever, are almost all (maybe all) much better people than I am. That keeps me from going completely off the rails in protest.
I've done most of the dishes this morning. I went to the 5 PM Mass yesterday so all I'd have to do today is dishes!
I find I need to psychologically unwind after highly social occasions. I'm a natural introvert -- very introverted -- and so I need to really amp myself up for things like this. Amping down later takes awhile. It was hard to get to sleep last night.
Definitely getting back on the healthy-eating bandwagon, starting right now. I'm sure I've gained back a few pounds, and so I will regroup. I'm trying to live in moderation, not going to one food extreme or the other. It's hard. But I think having eaten quite a bit yesterday has tamped down that overriding ravenous feeling of last week. I do believe I need more protein in my daily diet; most of the things I've been craving and that make me feel better are high in protein.
Or maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to eat cheese. ;-)
Later today I'll turn the heel of my sock... and then the damned gusset. I always need my Ott-Lite and a magnifying glass to pick up the gusset stitches, and I still always have holes. I'm hoping the fact that the heel and gusset are being knitted on such tiny needles will help with the hole issue. Although I just go in and basically darn the holes later and call it good.
Also trying to keep in mind what I was thinking a week ago. I don't want to lose those realizations and fall right back into my normal way of thinking, because that's always left me sad and bereft and... not doing anything.
We discussed our new cathedral. I've not yet been inside but I passionately hate the outside, and everything I've seen of the interior so far makes me shudder. I think it's partially my belief that a church should look like a church, not an art gallery or office building or gym, and partially my reaction to growing up Protestant. One of the things I envied my Catholic friends, and one of the things I want as a Catholic, is churches that are glorious -- carvings and stained glass and statues, flying buttresses and arches and domes. (Even my parish church basically has all these things.) Anything that is remotely of the sleek-blonde-wood/Swedish-modern/understated-and-bare Protestant architectural ethos makes me want to run shrieking.
I've also had more than one person ask me, "That's not a Catholic church, is it?" I don't think the plain cross, not a crucifix, outside, or calling it "Christ the Light" helped with that either. Sigh.
However, I've been counselled to go and look at the interior at least once, so I can make up my mind in person and not just from pictures and the bizarre, Rollo-shaped exterior.
Me, opinionated? Nah.
I do realize that people who are perfectly happy with modern architecture, or show up to Mass in sweats, or whatever, are almost all (maybe all) much better people than I am. That keeps me from going completely off the rails in protest.
I've done most of the dishes this morning. I went to the 5 PM Mass yesterday so all I'd have to do today is dishes!
I find I need to psychologically unwind after highly social occasions. I'm a natural introvert -- very introverted -- and so I need to really amp myself up for things like this. Amping down later takes awhile. It was hard to get to sleep last night.
Definitely getting back on the healthy-eating bandwagon, starting right now. I'm sure I've gained back a few pounds, and so I will regroup. I'm trying to live in moderation, not going to one food extreme or the other. It's hard. But I think having eaten quite a bit yesterday has tamped down that overriding ravenous feeling of last week. I do believe I need more protein in my daily diet; most of the things I've been craving and that make me feel better are high in protein.
Or maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to eat cheese. ;-)
Later today I'll turn the heel of my sock... and then the damned gusset. I always need my Ott-Lite and a magnifying glass to pick up the gusset stitches, and I still always have holes. I'm hoping the fact that the heel and gusset are being knitted on such tiny needles will help with the hole issue. Although I just go in and basically darn the holes later and call it good.
Also trying to keep in mind what I was thinking a week ago. I don't want to lose those realizations and fall right back into my normal way of thinking, because that's always left me sad and bereft and... not doing anything.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Heel, Chess, Dinner
I'm up to the turning point of the heel, and I think I will leave it for tomorrow, when I will have basically a lovely stretch of solitude and quiet. Not that turning a heel is rocket science, even for me, but I do have to pay attention, and I like to get it all done in one go.
I think I'm going to use this very basic sock pattern to knit up all of my multicolored sock yarn. By that point I should have the hang of it enough to use my solid yarn for something more interesting. I've made socks before, but slowly, and not in quick succession. I need to make it all sort of second nature.
I was looking at online chess sites. I used to play chess with my mom when I was in middle school, but haven't played in nearly 30 years. I think it would be good for my brain, and also it would be cool to find someone to play with in person, although I'd like to do a lot of practice against a computer first. I do have a chess set in the closet, so it would be doable.
Tonight I'm having folks over for dinner around 7. I'm a bit stressed, because I haven't done this in awhile, but I'm sure it will be fine. Especially after a few glasses of wine. :-) In a couple of weeks I'm supposed to be having just one friend over for dinner (fewer nerves for that!) and I'll be feeding him Nigella Lawson's coq a reisling. Tonight's dinner, though, is a pre-marinated pork roast from Nob Hill. I'm cheating.
I think I'm going to use this very basic sock pattern to knit up all of my multicolored sock yarn. By that point I should have the hang of it enough to use my solid yarn for something more interesting. I've made socks before, but slowly, and not in quick succession. I need to make it all sort of second nature.
I was looking at online chess sites. I used to play chess with my mom when I was in middle school, but haven't played in nearly 30 years. I think it would be good for my brain, and also it would be cool to find someone to play with in person, although I'd like to do a lot of practice against a computer first. I do have a chess set in the closet, so it would be doable.
Tonight I'm having folks over for dinner around 7. I'm a bit stressed, because I haven't done this in awhile, but I'm sure it will be fine. Especially after a few glasses of wine. :-) In a couple of weeks I'm supposed to be having just one friend over for dinner (fewer nerves for that!) and I'll be feeding him Nigella Lawson's coq a reisling. Tonight's dinner, though, is a pre-marinated pork roast from Nob Hill. I'm cheating.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Still Hungry/Labor of Love/Terseness
I am still really hungry. There was crap at work today and I could not resist. And I noshed when I got home. And I made espresso brownies for a dinner party tomorrow night ... and licked the bowl.
Sigh.
I'm sloooooowly working on the heel of a sock. (Originally and inexplicably typed as "the hell of a sick.") I actually like the pre-heel-turning part of the heel, although I've been accidentally adding and subtracting the 32nd stitch over and over. Oh well, they're for me, probably bed socks, and just to get myself going again, so I'm not too worried.
I'm knitting them in your basic sock weight wool on 0's, with the heel done in 00's because I have a small heel compared to my wide foot. We'll see how it goes. Heretofore the socks I've made have slipped down over my heel, one of the very few dainty parts of me.
If I were to build my ideal guy, one of his traits would be reading and writing decent-length emails. I just got told by someone "no more long-ass emails," even though the emails in question were very short by my standards. That was one of my ex-husband's good traits -- a literate, eloquent, lengthy emailer.
Few and far between, in my experience. I'm lucky if the guys in my life read, let alone respond to (at any length whatsoever) my emails.
Sigh.
I'm sloooooowly working on the heel of a sock. (Originally and inexplicably typed as "the hell of a sick.") I actually like the pre-heel-turning part of the heel, although I've been accidentally adding and subtracting the 32nd stitch over and over. Oh well, they're for me, probably bed socks, and just to get myself going again, so I'm not too worried.
I'm knitting them in your basic sock weight wool on 0's, with the heel done in 00's because I have a small heel compared to my wide foot. We'll see how it goes. Heretofore the socks I've made have slipped down over my heel, one of the very few dainty parts of me.
If I were to build my ideal guy, one of his traits would be reading and writing decent-length emails. I just got told by someone "no more long-ass emails," even though the emails in question were very short by my standards. That was one of my ex-husband's good traits -- a literate, eloquent, lengthy emailer.
Few and far between, in my experience. I'm lucky if the guys in my life read, let alone respond to (at any length whatsoever) my emails.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Hungry
Things have not been going so well, healthful-eating-wise. It's not because some boy has thrown me off my game, or because work is depressing me, or I'm otherwised stressed or unhappy.
It's because I'm hungry.
Yes, I do eat for entertainment sometimes and I tend to love things that are not low-cal/carb -- cheese (!!), chocolate, bread. But besides that, I simply have a large appetite. I can do the European-style, reasonable-amount-of-food eating for a time, and then my hunger comes roaring back. And during the work day, this is very difficult. As may have become apparent, I am not cut out for sitting in a cube all day, but I do. When sitting in said cube, if ravenous hunger overwhelms me, I am screwed. I get headachy, my stomach growls and aches emptily, and all I can think about is food.
Because I'm at work, I can't distract myself with something pleasant. I do bring things to snack on, but a Tupperware of carrots and radishes chased by a piece of fruit, while good, are mere drops in the ocean of my hunger. I would need a pound of vegetables and four or five pieces of fruit to satisfy me.
Sigh.
Tonight I had a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner. I had never made one -- really. I have not had one at home since my ex-husband lived here; he used to make them on the George Foreman grill, with American cheese. I used a pan and cheddar. It wasn't The Quintessential White Trash Comfort Food, but it was good. Although bad for me. And I could have eaten five of them... but I only had the one.
I am way over my calories for the day, and I'm still hungry.
At least now I can just go to bed!
It's because I'm hungry.
Yes, I do eat for entertainment sometimes and I tend to love things that are not low-cal/carb -- cheese (!!), chocolate, bread. But besides that, I simply have a large appetite. I can do the European-style, reasonable-amount-of-food eating for a time, and then my hunger comes roaring back. And during the work day, this is very difficult. As may have become apparent, I am not cut out for sitting in a cube all day, but I do. When sitting in said cube, if ravenous hunger overwhelms me, I am screwed. I get headachy, my stomach growls and aches emptily, and all I can think about is food.
Because I'm at work, I can't distract myself with something pleasant. I do bring things to snack on, but a Tupperware of carrots and radishes chased by a piece of fruit, while good, are mere drops in the ocean of my hunger. I would need a pound of vegetables and four or five pieces of fruit to satisfy me.
Sigh.
Tonight I had a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner. I had never made one -- really. I have not had one at home since my ex-husband lived here; he used to make them on the George Foreman grill, with American cheese. I used a pan and cheddar. It wasn't The Quintessential White Trash Comfort Food, but it was good. Although bad for me. And I could have eaten five of them... but I only had the one.
I am way over my calories for the day, and I'm still hungry.
At least now I can just go to bed!
K, no
6:15 isn't happening. Why on earth would I think it would? I know when I have to get out of bed. And I don't get out before then.
Last night was the first night since spring where I've had to sleep with my feet on a hot water bottle. And in the gloominess of 6:15, I was staying snug in bed, thankyouverymuch. I will have my creative dawdling time in the evenings.
Last night was the first night since spring where I've had to sleep with my feet on a hot water bottle. And in the gloominess of 6:15, I was staying snug in bed, thankyouverymuch. I will have my creative dawdling time in the evenings.
Sleepy but Hopeful
I can't wait til we fall back... it's so hard to rouse myself in the mornings when it's dark! And I'm going to start getting up at 6:15 to have some quiet thinking time before work. If I can force myself up, that is.
I had dinner over the weekend with a friend who is making me think. This was not his intention; it just worked out that way. He's got the guy thing going, where he just goes through life doing things he finds interesting and rewarding without worrying overmuch about who thinks what of him, or being lonely, or the like. Though I know other people like him, our conversation triggered something in me. I mentioned a bit of this in an earlier post.
I'm 41. I'm not going to get any younger (thank you, Captain Obvious, I know). I may or may not spend the rest of my life without a significant other. I can't sit around and wait anymore for some mythical future in which I'm going to be happy.
Lest you think I am now Pollyanna and I am bubbling over with frothy enthusiasm... fret not. I don't think I will ever lose the sarcastic gene, and a certain pessimism is ingrained in me by now, if indeed it wasn't built in. However, I'm making a real list of things I want to accomplish (ones that have nothing to do with guys or love or things like that); I am not letting emotional disequilibrium boot me off the wise-diet-and-exercise regimen I've been on for a couple of months, at least not more than temporarily; I'm actually sitting down and writing every night on the novella-that-may-suck-but-is-mine. I am thinking seriously about how I could not spend my days at a job that gives me hives on my soul, and of ways to get my brain back into high gear, even though I can't afford grad school.
I think it's going to be about an eighteen-month process, and I am plotting it out. Right now with the US economy imploding around us, I know there won't be much in the way of professional movement. But when the time is right, I want to have a game plan. I won't be out of debt for four years, barring the lottery or a miracle, but even in the interim, I am working on building a life that is good.
For now, I am going to curl up with the cats and go to sleep, because 6:15 is somehow a whole helluva lot earlier than 6:40!
I had dinner over the weekend with a friend who is making me think. This was not his intention; it just worked out that way. He's got the guy thing going, where he just goes through life doing things he finds interesting and rewarding without worrying overmuch about who thinks what of him, or being lonely, or the like. Though I know other people like him, our conversation triggered something in me. I mentioned a bit of this in an earlier post.
I'm 41. I'm not going to get any younger (thank you, Captain Obvious, I know). I may or may not spend the rest of my life without a significant other. I can't sit around and wait anymore for some mythical future in which I'm going to be happy.
Lest you think I am now Pollyanna and I am bubbling over with frothy enthusiasm... fret not. I don't think I will ever lose the sarcastic gene, and a certain pessimism is ingrained in me by now, if indeed it wasn't built in. However, I'm making a real list of things I want to accomplish (ones that have nothing to do with guys or love or things like that); I am not letting emotional disequilibrium boot me off the wise-diet-and-exercise regimen I've been on for a couple of months, at least not more than temporarily; I'm actually sitting down and writing every night on the novella-that-may-suck-but-is-mine. I am thinking seriously about how I could not spend my days at a job that gives me hives on my soul, and of ways to get my brain back into high gear, even though I can't afford grad school.
I think it's going to be about an eighteen-month process, and I am plotting it out. Right now with the US economy imploding around us, I know there won't be much in the way of professional movement. But when the time is right, I want to have a game plan. I won't be out of debt for four years, barring the lottery or a miracle, but even in the interim, I am working on building a life that is good.
For now, I am going to curl up with the cats and go to sleep, because 6:15 is somehow a whole helluva lot earlier than 6:40!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Argh
On the one hand, we have the sort of place I work in, where we're treated like remedial juvenile delinquents.
On the other, I get to talk to friends of mine (math-and-science guys) whose jobs include travel, autonomy, lots of money, flexible hours, and interesting work.
I want a do-over. I want to come back as a math-and-science guy.
On the other, I get to talk to friends of mine (math-and-science guys) whose jobs include travel, autonomy, lots of money, flexible hours, and interesting work.
I want a do-over. I want to come back as a math-and-science guy.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Sunday Ruminations
I'm feeling reflective and that's not always so good, you know?
I've often felt in-between. It's like how I'm too tall for the average-length pants and too short for the talls. When I went to college, I didn't have enough money to pay for it but wasn't poor enough to get great financial aid. I'm too bookish for a lot of people but not smart or educated enough for the really brilliant. I'm a homebody who loves to cook but would give her right arm to travel the world. I'm too heavy for those who fancy slim women but too small for those who really like big women. I'm very shy but can talk your ear off.
If astrology meant anything I'd say it's because I'm a Gemini on the cusp of Cancer. Talk about two diametrically opposed signs.
I suppose in some ways all this might make me somewhat interesting to some folks, but it's not really a comfortable position to be in. As I get older I'm finding that I care about it less, but that doesn't mean I don't care about it at all.
I think, too, that my life is duller than I'd like it to be, not because I'm dull necessarily, but because of funds in some cases and lack of companions in others. I want to go camping again but there really isn't anyone to go with -- well, one friend, but he won't sleep outside. :) At least it would be a compromise to go at all, though. I want to spend six weeks in Europe but have neither the money nor the vacation time. And though I live in an interesting area, I don't want to be doing everything on my own.
If I had not been born and raised here, I wonder what things I'd take advantage of that I don't even think about because I've always lived here.
Talking with a male friend the other day, I realized again how guys I know (more often than women, though I do know women like this as well) are much more successful at being self-contained, complete in themselves. Or passably complete, anyway; we're all interdependent, social creatures to some extent. [Warning: sweeping overgeneralization coming.] They're happier, though, going about their lives on their own, pursuing their interests, and finding life meaningful even without someone to share it with.
The last couple of years I've really been trying to "be me for me," not be the me someone else might like. It's hard, though, when you're conditioned otherwise and have been at it for forty years or so.
I've often felt in-between. It's like how I'm too tall for the average-length pants and too short for the talls. When I went to college, I didn't have enough money to pay for it but wasn't poor enough to get great financial aid. I'm too bookish for a lot of people but not smart or educated enough for the really brilliant. I'm a homebody who loves to cook but would give her right arm to travel the world. I'm too heavy for those who fancy slim women but too small for those who really like big women. I'm very shy but can talk your ear off.
If astrology meant anything I'd say it's because I'm a Gemini on the cusp of Cancer. Talk about two diametrically opposed signs.
I suppose in some ways all this might make me somewhat interesting to some folks, but it's not really a comfortable position to be in. As I get older I'm finding that I care about it less, but that doesn't mean I don't care about it at all.
I think, too, that my life is duller than I'd like it to be, not because I'm dull necessarily, but because of funds in some cases and lack of companions in others. I want to go camping again but there really isn't anyone to go with -- well, one friend, but he won't sleep outside. :) At least it would be a compromise to go at all, though. I want to spend six weeks in Europe but have neither the money nor the vacation time. And though I live in an interesting area, I don't want to be doing everything on my own.
If I had not been born and raised here, I wonder what things I'd take advantage of that I don't even think about because I've always lived here.
Talking with a male friend the other day, I realized again how guys I know (more often than women, though I do know women like this as well) are much more successful at being self-contained, complete in themselves. Or passably complete, anyway; we're all interdependent, social creatures to some extent. [Warning: sweeping overgeneralization coming.] They're happier, though, going about their lives on their own, pursuing their interests, and finding life meaningful even without someone to share it with.
The last couple of years I've really been trying to "be me for me," not be the me someone else might like. It's hard, though, when you're conditioned otherwise and have been at it for forty years or so.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Minor Victory
I bought new jeans today. For normal-sized folks, this isn't going to seem too exciting, but for me...
I bought size 22 jeans because my 24s were way too big. The store was having a sale and so they had very few jeans of any size. I did fit into a pair of size 20s in a different style, but I preferred the ankle slits on the 22s and just generally their cut. Still -- I fit into the 20s! I've been known to wear 28s.
Although, mostly, on top. I also bought a stretchy knit henley and it's a 22-24. I think when all is said and done, I will be a 16-18 on the bottom and anywhere from an 18 to a 22 on top. Even now you can see something of an hourglass figure (I have always had a very small waist for whatever size I was), but I will always have a chest to contend with.
I don't think this is too much of a problem except if I were to try to buy a dress (which I rarely do), because anything that fit over my chest would be too loose below. Or, I suppose, if my bottom half fit into clothes from any store but my top half could only be accommodated by a plus-sized purveyor.
Ah well. It will be a problem I will be happy to have!
I bought size 22 jeans because my 24s were way too big. The store was having a sale and so they had very few jeans of any size. I did fit into a pair of size 20s in a different style, but I preferred the ankle slits on the 22s and just generally their cut. Still -- I fit into the 20s! I've been known to wear 28s.
Although, mostly, on top. I also bought a stretchy knit henley and it's a 22-24. I think when all is said and done, I will be a 16-18 on the bottom and anywhere from an 18 to a 22 on top. Even now you can see something of an hourglass figure (I have always had a very small waist for whatever size I was), but I will always have a chest to contend with.
I don't think this is too much of a problem except if I were to try to buy a dress (which I rarely do), because anything that fit over my chest would be too loose below. Or, I suppose, if my bottom half fit into clothes from any store but my top half could only be accommodated by a plus-sized purveyor.
Ah well. It will be a problem I will be happy to have!
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