Stiff Upper Lip Redux

JAY-sus.

The erstwhile friend was so unbelievably rude to me today that the person who witnessed it was utterly gobsmacked.

I just started laughing because there is nothing else to do. I could cry, punch him, or laugh. So I go with Door #3. In addition to the battle of sorrow, fury, and twisted humor, there is also the feeling that this is very, very creepy. Like... what on earth happened to this person to turn him not only into someone who is not my friend any longer, but who has become a rude, graceless stranger? In a way, it's almost scary.

But mostly, sad, infuriating, and bizarrely funny. I could make him miserable by positioning myself into all his conversations... I won't, but the thought of how unhappy that would make him does make me chuckle a bit.

The one thing I really don't like is that this is going to be part of my history for the rest of my life. There will always be that good friend who was abducted by body snatchers and replaced with a jerk, and I will never know how it happened. At this point, I don't even want to know anymore, really.

Stiff Upper Lip

Something is bothering me, and I have to just keep a stiff upper lip and soldier on. It's tiring. It will go away -- it's just a blip -- but it's annoying.

Also, I'm having another one of those "GOD, all men are the same!" moments. I'm 41. You'd think I would not be surprised by the fact that just about every guy, at least straight white American guy, regardless of age, education, personality etc., still strive to catch the grownup cheerleader. And even if they'll settle for an average woman, they will still be very open about what they really find attractive.

I am painting with a wide brush. Perhaps it's unfair. But honestly -- I've been the best pal confidante (willing or unwilling) of umpteen guys in my life -- I've yet to meet the guy who didn't fall into this category. If you're out there, let me know, because you'd really mitigate my despair.

So Here's the Plan

OK, I don't really have one.

Except borrowing against my teeny 401(k) in order to pay off a couple of really bloody annoying bills (Dell and my vet credit card). There should be enough left over for some new work clothes, of which I am in dire need.

I'm participating in a knitting swap, and I need to knit fingerless mitts for an actual knitter, so I'm stressing a little. Instead of using stash (as I was kinda supposed to), because I had nothing of suitable gauge and color, I went and bought two different yarns. Will be swatching tomorrow.

Also tomorrow, I'm going drinking with people I went to elementary school with. Some of them I also went to middle and high school with, but some of them I have not seen since I was ten. I'm a little nervous. I'm going to Mass, then coming home, fixing my makeup and hair and possibly changing clothes, and then off.... Eeek. I just emailed one of the guys and said I hate walking into bars alone, so if he sees me, come grab me. He said he would. Whew. My best friend went to my elementary, middle, and high schools, but he is having none of this. And it's probably good or I'd just stick next to him and not talk to anyone. Thank God for alcohol.

A person I formerly had a casual relationship with has been very flirtatious lately. I am trying to enjoy the flirting while keeping my emotional buffer zone intact. It's so nice not to be all upset about a guy...

Mourning the Lost Hour

I know, daylight fans everywhere are celebrating springing forward. I, a dedicated night person who also cherishes every moment classified as "free time," am mourning my lost hour of the weekend.

Yeah, I guess it's nice for it to be light into the evening. What's not nice is the fact that it really should only be 10:45! Why can't they do this springing forward on a Friday at noon?

I also woke up already having my weekly Sunday night anxiety attack. Argh. It was 10 (or 9) AM! I still had 12 hours before real panic was required. Stupid brain.

Anyway.

The music at Mass last night was horrific. The one-time organ playing is all forgotten. I really don't know how much more of this I can stand; on the other hand, is bad music a legitimate reason to change parishes?

Thankfully, I'm taking Friday off, so it will be a short week. Yes, Mom, I am still wishing my life away, in my 40s...

Today in Lenten Dorkitude

One Friday in Lent last year I stopped by the pizza place next to my mailbox. They had pepperoni personal pizzas, and this time I forgot it was Friday and I ate it without removing the pepperoni. This year I said several times I wasn't going to forget the day of the week again. (Especially since -- how can you miss Fridays?)

Well, I remembered it was Friday when I was already in the drive-through for my chicken strips. Gah!

I ate the French fries and drank the soda and put the chicken strips in the fridge for tomorrow's lunch.

How can I keep forgetting? I don't even eat much meat!

I am also commmmmmmmmmmpletely out of patience. I am having a hard time at work because the quotient of questions that nonplus me is ratcheting up. I've had to actually hold onto the tiny crucifix and Miraculous Medal I've been wearing to remind myself to be polite -- even then, I think the controlled quiet modulation of my voice doesn't sound particularly cheerful.

Sigh!

Gearing Up

Another Sunday night!

I did do the heel on the thrummed sock, but I skipped the thrums for that part. I had to improvise the heel a bit because the directions were a) written for a sock knit on a small circ rather than DPNs and b) not very clear/detailed. Post-heel, I began thrumming again, but the pattern got off a bit. I decided it was no biggie. They're bed socks, they're for me, and only some of the thrums are actually showing through. It's not like they're white thrums on a dark background or anything. They're purple thrums on a variegated purple/teal/gold background.

They will be comfy.

I'm letting my hair dry, about to finish a round of the cashmere birthday cowl, and then go to bed. I always have trouble sleeping on Sunday nights, due to sleeping in in the morning and generalized anxiety. I've been waking up with large doses of anxiety lately and that makes going to sleep fraught with some trepidation as well.

But you can't really get around it. I need to get some more milk and start having my hot vanilla milk before bed again.

Tonight, though, just a quick knit and hopefully a peaceful night.