Three Wishes

When I was married, my husband and I used to spontaneously ask each other if we had three wishes.

Today these are mine.

1.) I wish I were an extrovert. I wish that the fact that there is a family hanging out at the apartment pool right now on this hot day wouldn't automatically mean I'm not going out there. Or the fact that our building manager routinely makes friends with people in the neighborhood and invites them to use the pool didn't irk me so much. I wish it hadn't taken me 13 years to not utterly dread the passing of the peace in church (I still don't like it and it's one of the plusses of the Latin Mass that they don't do it). I wish my heart didn't sink with dread whenever the phone rings at work -- or that if someone comes into the office to talk to me, that dread didn't become sweaty-palmed anxiety. I wish I could stand two days in a row of social obligations without feeling depressed.

2.) I wish I had a deep, unshakeable faith like some folks I know, and like I did when I was little. I'm definitely in the "Lord, I believe, help Thou my unbelief" category.

3.) I wish I were a natural optimist, not so easily depressed, overwhelmed, flattened by things. I would love to be able to make plans for the future, have confidence, follow through; it would be wonderful if setbacks didn't trigger my natural pessimism and despair.