Valentine Epiphany

Actually, I didn't really have the epiphany today. It was sneaking up on me, and it became apparent the other day.

I had a dream where someone had fallen in love with me. He was a bit odd, but I tend to like odd people. And I was pleased, in the dream, but not over the moon, and at some dream point I was alone and thinking, "I don't want to get entangled in all this again. Things are easier without it."

Also, someone I once adored has called me a few times this last ten days or so and I have gotten to the point where I don't want to talk to him. For awhile I was sort of "eh" about it, and now I'm really wishing he wouldn't call. I feel somewhat neutral about him, don't wish him any harm or anything, and I'd never tell him not to call, but I'm perfectly pleased when he doesn't.

It's Valentine's Day, and I am absolutely perfectly happy being home, baking bread, having made a salmon-and-rice dinner off the top of my head, reading and plotting my next knitting project. (Not the Sipalu bag. That's under my bed with herbal spicy moth repellent for now.)

Most of my life I felt there was no point to things if you didn't have someone special with which to share them. And it's not that I'd necessarily mind being married again, or having a relationship, but it would have to be something much more amazing and wonderful than what I've had in the last seven or so years. And I'm not even feeling like looking. Maybe I'm in a selfish phase, but I am much happier in it than I've been in my "life sucks when you're alone" phases.

(I do still wish all my chores and all my bills weren't mine, but c'est la vie!)